Agatha Raisin & the Vicious Vet ar-2 Read online

'You're entitled to your opinion, I'm sure' said Sam, 'but don't expect none of us here to say a word against the old man. Course you haven't been as long in these parts as Mr Lacey here, or you'd know that criticism of his lordship is not welcome; no, that it's not'

  I've been here a considerable time longer than Mr Lacey' said Agatha huffily.

  'Well, there's folks that fit in and folks that don't,' said Sam. 'Afternoon.' He touched his cap and strolled off.

  'What a feudal peasant,' said Agatha.

  'Sam's a good man, and we're the peasants in this case.'

  'What?'

  'Vulgarly poking our noses in where they don't belong. What on earth are we doing here, Mrs Raisin?'

  'Agatha'

  'Agatha. The man died because of an unfortunate accident'

  'I'm not so sure' said Agatha, more out of a desire to be contrary than because she believed it.

  They strolled round to the front of the house where Agatha's car was parked. It looked new and shiny after all the expensive repairs. Lord Pendlebury came towards them.

  His tall, thin, heron-like figure loped up to them. "What do you think you're doing?' he said angrily. 'There's an open day once a year, on June the first; otherwise keep off private property'

  'It's us,' said James Lacey patiently. 'You gave us permission to go and look at your stables'

  His pale watery eyes blinked at them and then focused on Agatha. 'Oh, the hunt saboteur' he said. "The people one has to put up with these days'

  He headed off towards the stables, leaving James amused and Agatha fuming.

  'You're hardly the flavour of the month' said James.

  'The man's senile' snapped Agatha. She had often lingered longingly while on the tour of some stately home outside the roped-off private part hoping a member of the family would recognize her as one of their own kind and ask her to tea. That fantasy seemed totally ridiculous now.

  She drove James back to the village, feeling hurt and gauche and inadequate. He glanced at her sideways and something prompted him to say, 'I haven't been to the Red Lion for ages. Fancy a drink there this evening?'

  Agatha's spirits rocketed like the pheasant which rose up before the wheels of her car and over the hedge beside the road. But she kept her voice light and casual. 'That would be nice. What time?'

  'Oh, about eight. I have to go to Moreton for something, so I'll see you there'

  He was already regretting his invitation, and yet there was no sign of any return of that predatory look he had noticed before in Agatha's eyes.

  Agatha, guessing that he would not bother to change, restrained herself from changing her own clothes. She fed the cats and played with them and tried not to watch the clock. Excitement built up in her as eight o'clock approached. Although she had, with the help of Mrs Bloxby, been training herself to cook, she put a frozen lasagne in the microwave for her dinner so as not to waste more time on elaborate preparations. It tasted foul. How could she ever have eaten such stuff?

  As she walked to the Red Lion, a full moon was shining down, washing everything with silver, outlining the skeletal arms of trees against the starry sky. White and pink verbena flowers scented the air, reminding Agatha unromantic-ally of expensive bath soap. At exactly three minutes past eight, she pushed open the door of the Red Lion.

  James Lacey was there in the low-raftered pub, standing at the bar, talking to the landlord. 'What'll you have?' he asked by way of greeting.

  'Gin and tonic,' said Agatha, settling herself happily on a bar stool.

  'I was wondering,' he began as he paid for her drink. But Agatha was never to know what he was wondering, for the pub door opened and the yapping of a Jack Russell and the heavy smell of French perfume heralded the arrival of Mrs Huntingdon, Carsely's newest incomer.

  To Agatha's dismay, James said, 'Evening, Freda. What'll you have? Do you know Agatha Raisin? Agatha, this is Freda Huntingdon'

  So it was Freda, was it? thought Agatha gloomily. The widow was wearing a cherry-red sleeveless jacket over a black cashmere sweater and short black wool skirt. Her legs in fine black stockings were very good.

  'Let's sit at that table over there' said James after he had bought Freda a whisky and water.

  'Perhaps Freda is meeting someone' suggested Agatha hopefully.

  'No' she said in a husky voice, 'all on my lonesome. Thought I might find you here, James. How's the writing going?7

  James! Freda! Rats! Agatha plumped herself down at the table by the log fire and tried not to let her bitter disappointment show on her face.

  'The writing's not going at all well' said James. 'I look for every excuse not to get started. This morning I defrosted the fridge, and this afternoon Mrs Raisin -'

  'Agatha, please'

  'Sorry, Agatha and I went to see Lord Pendlebury'

  'Isn't he an old duck?' murmured Freda. 'Quite one of the old school'

  'How do you know him?' asked Agatha.

  1 talked to him outside the church last Sunday' said Freda. 'I found him quite charming'

  'I don't think Agatha found him at all charming' said James. "He mistook her for a hunt saboteur'

  Freda Huntingdon laughed merrily. Her dog peed against the leg of the table and she said 'Tut-tut' and picked up the revolting yapping creature and cuddled it on her lap.

  'Have you seen the latest Russell Crowe movie, James?' asked Freda. She lit a cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke in Agatha's direction.

  'I haven't seen any Russell Crowe movie, let alone the latest' replied James.

  'But you should! They're tremendous fun. The new one's on at Mircester. Tell you what, come with me tomorrow'

  At that moment, Agatha saw Jack Page, the farmer, come in. She felt she could not bear any more of Freda and James. She rose and picked up her unfinished drink.

  'Just going to have a drink with Jack.'

  Jack Page hailed her. 'Nights are drawing out, Agatha' he said. 'Be spring before you know it. Sorry to hear about that crash you had'

  He was a cheerful man with an easy manner. Agatha told him at length about her crash. He bought her another drink. Agatha sat down on a bar stool next to him and tried to forget about the pair in the corner.

  'Bad thing about that vet' said Jack.

  'You went to him, didn't you?' said Agatha. 'I saw you there the first time I took my cat along. What did you make of him?'

  'The surgery was handy to nip down to and get antibiotics and things' said Jack. "Never thought about him much one way or t'other. Then I heard what he done to poor Mrs Josephs's cat, so I stopped going. That was right cruel'

  'You don't think someone bumped him off, do you?'

  'Ah, you're looking for another murder to solve' he teased. 'Sad accident, it were. Funeral's next Monday in Mircester, at St Peter's'

  'I might go' said Agatha.

  'Was you friendly with him then?'

  'Had dinner with him one night' replied Agatha, 'but not really friendly.'

  He drained his tankard and set the empty glass down on the bar. I'd best be getting back. I told the wife I'd only stop for the one. Why not come back and say hello?'

  Agatha had a sudden longing to turn round. But Mrs Huntingdon let out a trill of laughter and her dog gave a volley of barks.

  I'd like that' said Agatha, picking up her handbag.

  She turned at last and gave a casual wave to James before leaving with the farmer.

  James Lacey watched her go with some surprise. And he had thought she was pursuing him!

  Chapter Four

  Snow was falling as Agatha entered the church of St Peter in Mircester the following Monday. She was already wishing she had not come. A doggedness to find out something about the vet's death had prompted this visit. So long as she was worrying about the vet's death, Agatha did not need to worry about James Lacey.

  The church was very old, with fine stained-glass windows and a dreadful seventeenth-century altar of some dark wood. Agatha took a pew at the back, unhitched the hassock f
rom its hook, knelt in pretended prayer and then studied the congregation. But all she saw was backs of heads. There seemed to be quite a number of women present. One turned her head. Mrs Huntingdon! And then Agatha recognized the solid bulk of Mrs Mason, the chairwoman of the Carsely Ladies' Society, two pews in front of her. She changed her seat and went to sit next to her.

  Mrs Mason was clutching a damp handkerchief in her hand. 'So sad' she whispered to Agatha. 'Such a fine young man'

  'Hardly young' said Agatha and received a look of reproach.

  The coffin was carried in and placed in the aisle in front of the altar. "That's Mr Rice, Mr Bladen's partner' said Mrs Mason. 'The one on the left at the front.' Among the men who had carried in the coffin, Agatha saw a burly middle-aged man with curly ginger hair.

  'Who is here from the village, apart from us and that Mrs Huntingdon?' asked Agatha.

  'Over there to the right, Mrs Parr and Miss Webster.'

  Agatha leaned forward. Both women were crying. Mrs Parr was small and quite pretty and Miss Webster of an indeterminate age, possibly late thirties. She recognized Miss Webster as the woman who ran the dried flower shop.

  Tm surprised you are all so upset' whispered Agatha, 'after what he did to Mrs Josephs' cat'

  'What he did was right' muttered Mrs Mason fiercely. 'That cat was too old for this world'

  'I hope no one thinks that about me' said Agatha.

  'Shhh!' said a man in front waspishly. The service began.

  Mr Peter Rice paid a tribute to his dead partner, the vicar quoted St Francis of Assisi, hymns were sung, then the coffin was raised up again and the congregation filed out after it to the graveyard.

  It was strange, thought Agatha, but one never thought of people being buried in old church graveyards any more. A short service in a crematorium was more what was expected. She had always wondered about those churchyard graveside scenes in television dramas and had assumed that the television company had paid a nice sum to the church to dig up an appropriate hole for the show. One always assumed that the old churchyards of England had been full to bursting point since the end of the nineteenth century.

  Snow fluttered down among the leaning gravestones and a magpie swung on the branch of a cedar and cocked a curious eye at the proceedings.

  'That's his ex-wife' said Mrs Mason. A thin, grey-haired woman with a weak face was looking bleakly straight in front of her. She was wearing a fox coat over a red suit. No mourning weeds for her.

  But the graveside service was so moving and so dignified that Agatha thought there was a lot to be said for staking your claim to your six-by-four in a country churchyard. When the service was over, she muttered a goodbye to Mrs Mason and set out in pursuit of the vet's ex-wife, catching up with her at the lych gate.

  'My name is Agatha Raisin' she said. I gather you are poor Mr Bladen's wife'

  1 was' said Mrs Bladen a trifle impatiently. It is really very cold, Mrs Raisin, and I am anxious to get home'

  'My car is just outside. Can I drop you somewhere?'

  'No, I have my own car'

  'I wonder if we could have a talk?' said Agatha eagerly.

  A look of dislike came into Mrs Bladen's eyes. 'My life seems to have been plagued by women wanting to talk to me after my husband had dumped them. It is just as well he is dead'

  She stalked off.

  I seem to be getting snubbed all round, thought Agatha. But there's one thing for sure: our vet was a philanderer. If only I could prove it wasn't an accident, that it was murder, then they'd all sit up and take notice!

  Carsely had frequent power cuts, some lasting days, some only a few seconds.

  James Lacey pressed Agatha's doorbell the following day. He did not know there was one of the brief power cuts because one could not usually hear the bell ringing from outside.

  He glanced down at the front lawn. There was a lot of moss on it. He wondered if Agatha knew how to treat it. He bent down for a closer look.

  Agatha, who thought she had heard someone outside, put her eye to the spyhole, but not seeing anyone, retreated to the kitchen. James Lacey straightened up and pressed the bell again. By this time the power had come back on but Agatha had found crumbs on the carpet and had plugged in the vacuum cleaner in the kitchen at the back.

  James retreated, feeling baffled. He remembered all the times he had pretended to be out when Agatha had called.

  He went into his own cottage, made himself a cup of coffee and sat down at his desk. He switched on his new computer and then stared bleakly at the screen waiting for it to boot up, before finding the right file and flicking his written words up on to the green screen. There it was. "Chapter Two'. If only he had written just one sentence. Why had he decided to write military history anyway? Just because he was a retired soldier did not necessarily mean he was confined to military subjects. Besides, why had he chosen the Peninsular Wars? Was there anything to add more than what had been already written? Oh, dear, how long the day seemed. It had been fun going to see Pendlebury. Of course it had been an accident. And yet there was that bump on the back of the head.

  It might be more fun to write mystery stories. Say, for example, the vet had been murdered, how would one go about finding out what had really happened? Well, the first step would be to find out why he was murdered, for the why would surely lead to the who.

  If Agatha had answered her door to him and not looked as if she were avoiding him, he might have dropped the subject. Had he really wanted to write military history, he still might have dropped it. He gave an exclamation of disgust, switched off the machine and went out again. There would be no harm in trying Agatha's door again. He had obviously been mistaken when he had thought she was pursuing him. And he had invited her for a drink, not Freda Huntingdon. It was not his fault that Agatha had suddenly decided to leave with that farmer.

  It was a fine spring day, light and airy, smelling of growing things. This time, Agatha's front door was open. He went in, calling, 'Agatha' and nearly fell over her. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the hall, playing with her cats.

  'Am I seeing things, or have you two of them?' he asked.

  'The new one's a stray I picked up in London,' said Agatha, scrabbling to her feet. 'Like a coffee?'

  'Not coffee. I seem to have been drinking it all morning. Tea would be nice.'

  Tea it is.' Agatha led the way into the kitchen.

  'About the other night,' he said, hovering in the kitchen doorway, 'we didn't have much of a chance to talk'

  'Well, that's pubs for you' said Agatha with seeming indifference. 'You never end up talking to the person you go in with. Milk or lemon?'

  'Lemon, please. I've been thinking, this business about the vet. Did you go to the funeral?'

  'Yes. Lot of women there. Seems to have been popular with quite a lot of women, so he can't have gone around putting down their cats unasked.'

  'Who was there from this village?'

  'Apart from me, his four remaining fans: your friend, Freda Huntingdon; Mrs Mason; Mrs Harriet Parr; and Miss Josephine Webster. Oh, and his ex-wife. Hey, that's odd.'

  'What is?'

  'When I was supposed to be having dinner in Evesham that night I crashed and I phoned Paul's house and this woman answered the phone saying she was his wife .. ' Agatha broke off.

  'Well?'

  'Well, Paul Bladen told me afterwards that the woman who answered the phone was his sister, being silly or something. But no one else has mentioned his sister. I forgot to ask for her at the funeral.'

  'We could drive into Mircester and find out' he volunteered.

  Agatha turned away quickly and fiddled with the kettle to hide the sudden look of rapture in her eyes. 'Do you think it's murder then?' she asked.

  He sighed. 'No, I don't. But it might be fun to go through the motions. I mean, ask people, just as if it were.'

  Til get my coat.' Agatha nipped smartly upstairs, gazing in the glass at her outfit of sweater and skirt. But there was no
time to change, for if she did not hurry up, he might decide to call the whole thing off.

  'Just going to get some money' he called up the stairs.

  Agatha cursed under her breath. What if he were waylaid in the short distance between her house and his? She went down the stairs and out of the door.

  Freda Huntingdon was talking to him, laughing and holding that wretched yapping dog under her arm. Agatha clenched her hands into fists as they both disappeared into James's cot-tage. She stood there in her own front garden, . irresolute. What if he forgot about her? But he emerged with Freda after only a few moments. Freda was tucking a paperback into her pocket.

  She waved goodbye to him and he walked towards Agatha. 'Shall we take my car?' he asked. 'No need to take two.'

  'Mine will be fine,' said Agatha. He climbed into the passenger seat. As Agatha drove past Freda, she turned and stared at them in surprise.

  Agatha gave a cheerful fanfare on the horn and drove fast round the corner out of the lane.

  'What did the merry widow want?' she asked.

  'Freda? She had lent me a paperback and had come to collect it'

  Agatha would have chatted on merrily all the way to Mircester and probably would have driven James away again, but just at that moment she sensed there was a pimple growing on the end of her nose. She squinted down and the car veered wildly to the side of the road before she corrected the steering.

  'Are you all right?' asked James. 'Do you want me to drive?'

  'I'm fine' But Agatha sank into a worried silence. She could feel that pimple growing and growing, an itchy soreness on the end of her nose. Why should such a thing happen to her on this day of all days? This was what came of eating 'healthy' food, as recommended by Mrs Bloxby. Years of fast food had not produced one blemish. The only solution, Agatha decided, was when they reached Mircester, she would say she needed to buy something from the chemist's - no gentleman would ask what - and then say she was dying for a drink.

  She parked in the last space in the town's main square. A woman who had been in the act of carefully reversing into it before Agatha beat her to it by driving straight in nose first, stared in hurt anger. When they got out of the car, Agatha, keeping her face averted, said, 'Got to go to the chemist's over there. Meet you in that pub, the George, in a few moments' And then, like jesting Pilate, did not stay for an answer, but scuttled across the square.