(17/30 Love, Lies and Liquor Read online




  (17/30 Love, Lies and Liquor

  30 [17]

  Beaton, M. C.

  Minotaur Books (2010)

  * * *

  * * *

  Agatha Raisin is lonely. Busy as she is with her detective agency and the meetings of the Carsely Ladies' Society, she still misses her ex-husband, James Lacey, so she welcomes his return to the cottage next door with her usual triumph of optimism over experience---especially when he invites her on holiday at a surprise location that was once very dear to him. With visions of a romantic hideaway in Italy or the Pacific dancing in her head, Agatha goes off happily with James to...Snoth-on-Sea, in Sussex.

  While James may have fond memories of boyhood holidays there, Snoth-on-Sea has seen better days, as has the once-grand Palace Hotel, now run-down and tacky and freezing cold. Nor do the other guests have much to recommend them, especially the brassy honeymoon couple, Mr. and Mrs. Jankers, who pick a fight with Agatha in the dining room. But trouble has a way of following Agatha even if romance does not: Just as she and James are preparing to flee to warmer climes, Geraldine Jankers is found dead on the beach---strangled with Agatha's scarf. So much for Agatha's holiday fantasies: Not only is it time to put her detective skills to work, but the police are not even sure that she'll be allowed to leave town.

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  CRITICS HAIL AGATHA RAISIN AND M.G BEATON!

  “Tourists are advised to watch their backs in the bucolic villages where M. C. Beaton sets her sly British mysteries… Outsiders always spell trouble for the societies Beaton observes with such cynical humor.”

  —The New York Times Book Review

  “[Beaton’s] imperfect heroine is an absolute gem!”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Beaton’s Agatha Raisin series just about defines the British cozy.”

  —Booklist

  “Anyone interested in … intelligent, amusing reading will want to make the acquaintance of Mrs. Agatha Raisin.”

  —Atlanta Journal Constitution

  “Beaton has a winner in the irrepressible, romance-hungry Agatha.”

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  “Few things in life are more satisfying than to discover a brand-new Agatha Raisin mystery.”

  —Tampa Tribune Times

  “The Raisin series brings the cozy tradition back to life. God bless the Queen!”

  —Tulsa World

  “The Miss Marple-like Raisin is a refreshingly sensible, wonderfully eccentric, thoroughly likable heroine … a must for cozy fans.”

  —Booklist

  Love, Lies and Liquor

  “Another highly satisfying Beaton cozy, this one is long on the kind of social comedy that uses character, plot, and atmosphere to produce the laughter.”

  —Booklist

  “Driven by Agatha’s strong personality, [Love, Lies and Liquor] will please devoted fans.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  The Perfect Paragon

  “Though Agatha is still a bit of a piece of work, she is mellowing with age, and in this book even forgets to ‘gussy’ herself up once when she goes out. There’s a cliffhanger at the end… that is going to be interesting in the next book.”

  —Deadly Pleasures

  MORE …

  “This is the latest perfectly precious prose problem from Beaton, Britain’s successor to Dame Agatha Christie. If you’ve never read an Agatha Raisin novel, it’s time to start, and you’ll have fifteen more of these confections awaiting you. Polish those off, and you still have a batch of Hamish Macbeth tales. All of them are cunningly plotted, beautifully written and more fun you can imagine. The Perfect Paragon is as perfect as all the others, and you won’t figure out who dunit until the final pages.”

  —The Globe & Mail

  “Entertaining … welcome back to Carsely, the charming Cotswolds village that’s home to the sixteenth Agatha Raisin mystery.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Fabulous … M.C. Beaton is at her best with this fine tale filled with twists.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  The Deadly Dance

  “It’s been 40 years since Dame Agatha Christie’s death, and in that time, reviewers have often bestowed her mantle on new authors. M. C. Beaton is one of those so honored, and she deserves it. When it comes to artfully constructed puzzle plots and charming settings, Beaton serves it up … This is a classic British cozy plot, and a setting done with panache. Maybe M. C. Beaton really is the new ‘Queen of Crime.’ ”

  —The Globe & Mail

  “It is always fun to read an Agatha Raisin mystery, but the latest installment freshens up a delightful series by converting the heroine from amateur sleuth to professional without changing her caustic wit. Agatha remains crude and rude even to clients, but also retains that vulnerability that endears her to readers.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “A very satisfying change for the smart woman of mystery with a new cast of colorfully realized characters blending with a few old favorites.”

  —Mystery Lovers Bookshop News

  “The story was first-rate and moved along with many twists and turns that kept me always guessing… I read this book in one sitting, which I think speaks for itself.”

  —I Love a Mystery

  “Fans of Agatha Raisin will be absolutely delighted at this latest addition to the series. Ms. Beaton has surpassed herself in The Deadly Dance”

  —Reviewing the Evidence

  ALSO BY M. C. BEATON

  Agatha Raisin

  The Perfect Paragon: An Agatha Raisin Mystery

  The Deadly Dance: An Agatha Raisin Mystery

  Agatha Raisin and the Haunted House

  Agatha Raisin and the Case of the Curious Curate

  Agatha Raisin and the Day the Floods Came

  Agatha Raisin and the Love from Hell

  Agatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryfam

  Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wyckhadden

  Agatha Raisin and the Wizard of Evesham

  Agatha Raisin and the Wellspring of Death

  Agatha Raisin and the Terrible Tourist

  Agatha Raisin and the Murderous Marriage

  Agatha Raisin and the Walkers of Dembley

  Agatha Raisin and the Potted Gardener

  Agatha Raisin and the Vicious Vet

  Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death

  The Skeleton in the Closet

  Hamish Macbeth

  Death of a Bore

  Death of a Poison Pen

  Death of a Village

  Death of a Celebrity

  A Highland Christmas

  Writing as Marion Chesney

  Our Lady of Pain

  Sick of Shadows

  Hasty Death

  Snobbery with Violence

  _____________________________________

  LOVE,

  LIES

  and

  LIQUOR

  AN AGATHA RAISIN MYSTERY

  _____________________________________

  M.C. BEATON

  St. Martin’s Paperbacks

  NOTE: If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
r />   This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  LOVE, LIES AND LIQUOR

  Copyright © 2006 by M. C. Beaton.

  Excerpt from Kissing Christmas Goodbye copyright © 2007 by M. C. Beaton.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

  Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2006043407

  ISBN: 0-312-36877-1

  EAN: 9780312-36877-7

  Printed in the United States of America

  St. Martin’s Press hardcover edition / September 2006

  St. Martin’s Paperbacks edition / September 2007

  St. Martin’s Paperbacks are published by St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue,

  New York, NY 10010.

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  This book is dedicated to Sue and Rod Close,

  with affection

  ONE

  JAMES LACEY, Agatha Raisin’s ex-husband with whom she was still in love, had come back into her life. He had moved into his old cottage next door to Agatha’s.

  But although he seemed interested in Agatha’s work at her detective agency, not a glint of love lightened his blue eyes. Agatha dressed more carefully than she had done in ages and spent a fortune at the beautician’s, but to no avail. This was the way, she thought sadly, that things had been before. She felt as if some cruel hand had wound the clock of time backwards.

  Just when Agatha was about to give up, James called on her and said friends of his had moved into Ancombe and had invited them both to dinner. His host, he said, was a Mr. David Hewitt who was retired from the Ministry of Defence. His wife was called Jill.

  Delighted to be invited as a couple, Agatha set out with James I from their cottages in the village of Carsely in the English Cotswolds to drive the short distance to Ancombe.

  The lilac blossom was out in its full glory. Wisteria and clematis trailed down the walls of honey-coloured cottages, and hawthorn, the fairy tree, sent out a heady sweet smell in the evening air.

  Agatha experienced a qualm of nervousness as she drove them towards Ancombe. She had made a few visits to James in his cottage, but they were always brief. James was always occupied with something and seemed relieved when she left. Agatha planned to make the most of this outing. She was dressed in a biscuit-coloured suit with a lemon-coloured blouse and high-heeled sandals. Her brown hair gleamed and shone.

  James was wearing a tweed sports jacket and flannels. “Am I overdressed?” asked Agatha.

  One blue eye swivelled in her direction. “No, you look fine.”

  The Hewitts lived in a bungalow called Merrydown. As Agatha drove up the short gravelled drive, she could smell something cooking on charcoal. “It’s not a barbecue?” she asked.

  “I believe it is. Here we are.”

  “James, if you had told me it was a barbecue, I would have dressed more suitably.”

  “Don’t nag,” said James mildly, getting out of the car.

  Agatha detested barbecues. Barbecues were for Americans, Australians and Polynesians, or any of those other people with a good climate. The English, from her experience, delighted in under-cooked meat served off paper plates in an insect-ridden garden.

  James rang the doorbell. The door was opened by a small woman with pinched little features and pale grey eyes. Her grey hair was dressed in girlish curls. She was wearing a print frock and low-heeled sandals.

  “James, darling!” She stretched up and enfolded him in an embrace. “And who is this?”

  “Don’t you remember, I was told to bring my ex-wife along. This is Agatha Raisin. Agatha, Jill.”

  Jill linked her arm in James’s, ignoring Agatha. “Come along. We’re all in the garden.” Agatha trailed after them. She wanted to go home.

  Various people were standing around the garden drinking some sort of fruit cup. Agatha, who felt in need of a strong gin and tonic, wanted more than ever to flee.

  She was introduced to her host, who was cooking dead things on the barbecue. He was wearing a joke apron with a picture of a woman’s body in a corset and fishnet stockings. James was taken round and introduced to the other guests, while Agatha stood on a flagged patio teetering on her high heels.

  Agatha sighed and sank down into a garden chair. She opened her handbag and took out her cigarettes and lighter and lit a cigarette.

  “Do you mind awfully?” Her host stood in front of her, brandishing a knife.

  “What?”

  “This is a smoke-free zone.”

  Agatha leaned round him and stared at the barbecue. Black smoke was beginning to pour out from something on the top. “Then you’d better get a fire extinguisher,” said Agatha. “Your food is burning.”

  He let out a squawk of alarm and rushed back to the barbecue. Agatha blew a perfect smoke ring. She felt her nervousness evaporating. She did not care what James thought. Jill was a dreadful hostess, and worse than that, she seemed to have a thing about James. So Agatha sat placidly, smoking and dreaming of the moment when the evening would be over.

  There was one sign of relief. A table was carried out into the garden and chairs set about it. She had dreaded having to stand on the grass in her spindly heels, eating off a paper plate.

  Jill had reluctantly let go of James’s arm and gone into the house. She reappeared with two of the women guests carrying wine bottles and glasses. “Everyone to the table,” shouted David.

  Agatha crushed out her cigarette on the patio stones and put the stub in her handbag. By the time she had heaved herself out of her chair, it was to find that James was seated next to Jill and another woman, and she was left to sit next to a florid-faced man who gave her a goggling stare and then turned to chat to the woman on his other side.

  David put a plate of blackened charred things in front of Agatha. She helped herself to a glass of wine. The conversation became general, everyone talking about people Agatha did not know. Then she caught the name Andrew Lloyd Webber. “I do like his musicals,” she said, glad to be able to talk about something. There was a little startled silence and then Jill said in a patronizing voice, “But his music is so derivative.”

  “All music is derivative,” said Agatha.

  “Dear me,” tittered one of the female guests. “You’ll be saying you like Barry Manilow next.”

  “Why not?” asked Agatha truculently. “He’s a great performer. Got some good tunes, too.” There was a startled silence and then everyone began to talk at once.

  I will never understand the Gloucestershire middle classes, thought Agatha. Oh, well, might as well eat. She sliced a piece of what appeared to be chicken. Blood oozed out onto her plate.

  James was laughing at something Jill was saying. He had not once looked in her direction. He had abandoned her as soon as they entered the house.

  Suddenly a thought hit Agatha, a flash of the blindingly obvious. I do not need to stay here. These people are rude and James is a disgrace. She rose and went into the house. “Second door on your left,” Jill shouted after her, assuming Agatha wanted to go to the toilet.

  Agatha went straight through the house and outside. She got into her car and drove off. Let James find his own way home.

  When she reached her cottage, she let herself in, went through to the kitchen and kicked off her sandals. Her cats circled her legs in welcome. “I’ve had a God-awful time,” she told them. “James has finally been and gone and done it. I’ve grown up at last. I don’t care if I never see him again.”

  “What an odd woman!” Jill was exclaiming. ‘To go off like that without a word.”

  “Well, you did rather cut her dead,” said James uneasily. “I mean, she was left on her own, not knowing anyone.”
<
br />   “But one doesn’t introduce people at parties any more.”

  “You introduced me.”

  “Oh, James, sweetie. Don’t go on. Such weird behaviour.” But the evening for James was ruined. He now saw these people through Agatha Raisin’s small bearlike eyes.

  “I’d better go and see if she’s all right,” he said, getting to his feet.

  “I’ll drive you,” said Jill.

  “No, please don’t. It would be rude of you to leave your guests. I’ll phone for a taxi.”

  James rang Agatha’s doorbell, but she did not answer. He tried phoning but got no reply. He left a message for her to call back, but she did not.

  He shrugged. Agatha would come around. She always did.

  But to his amazement the days grew into weeks and Agatha continued to be chilly towards him. She turned down invitations to dinner, saying she was “too busy.” He had met Patrick Mulligan one day in the village stores. Patrick worked for Agatha and he told James they were going through a quiet period.

  When Sir Charles Fraith came to stay with Agatha, James began to be really worried. Charles, he knew, had once had an affair with Agatha. He dropped in and out of her life, occasionally helping her with cases. For the first time, James realized with amazement, he felt jealous. He had always taken it for granted that Agatha would remain, as far as he was concerned, her usual doting self. Something would have to be done.

  “So how’s your ex?” asked Charles one Saturday as he and Agatha sat in her garden.

  “I told you. I neither know nor care. I told you about that terrible barbecue.”

  “They sound like shiters but we all know weird people.”

  “He abandoned me! And when they all started sniggering about Andrew Lloyd Webber, he did nothing to defend me.”

 

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Hasty Death emm-2 Read onlineEdwardian Murder Mystery 02; Hasty Death emm-2The Constant Companion Read onlineThe Constant CompanionHamish Macbeth 14 (1999) - Death of a Scriptwriter Read onlineHamish Macbeth 14 (1999) - Death of a ScriptwriterGinny Read onlineGinnyHamish Macbeth 10 (1994) - Death of a Charming Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 10 (1994) - Death of a Charming ManHamish Macbeth 03; Death of an Outsider hm-3 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 03; Death of an Outsider hm-3The Love from Hell ar-11 Read onlineThe Love from Hell ar-11The Scandalous Lady Wright (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 4) Read onlineThe Scandalous Lady Wright (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 4)Hamish Macbeth 17 (2001) - Death of a Dustman Read onlineHamish Macbeth 17 (2001) - Death of a DustmanHamish Macbeth 13 (1997) - Death of a Dentist Read onlineHamish Macbeth 13 (1997) - Death of a DentistThe Paper Princess (The Royal Ambition Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Paper Princess (The Royal Ambition Series Book 7)Rainbird's Revenge: HFTS6 Read onlineRainbird's Revenge: HFTS6The Perfect Gentleman (The Love and Temptation Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Perfect Gentleman (The Love and Temptation Series Book 7)Sir Philip's Folly (The Poor Relation Series Book 4) Read onlineSir Philip's Folly (The Poor Relation Series Book 4)The Witches' Tree--An Agatha Raisin Mystery Read onlineThe Witches' Tree--An Agatha Raisin MysteryDeath of an Outsider Read onlineDeath of an OutsiderHamish MacBeth 03 (1988) - Death of an Outsider Read onlineHamish MacBeth 03 (1988) - Death of an OutsiderAgatha Raisin and the Perfect Paragon Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Perfect ParagonDeath of a Chimney Sweep Read onlineDeath of a Chimney SweepThe Dreadful Debutante (The Royal Ambition Series Book 1) Read onlineThe Dreadful Debutante (The Royal Ambition Series Book 1)Something Borrowed, Someone Dead Read onlineSomething Borrowed, Someone DeadAgatha Raisin and The Murderous Marriage ar-5 Read onlineAgatha Raisin and The Murderous Marriage ar-5The Highland Countess Read onlineThe Highland CountessDeath of a Chimney Sweep hm-1 Read onlineDeath of a Chimney Sweep hm-1The Skeleton in the Closet Read onlineThe Skeleton in the ClosetSusie Read onlineSusieAgatha Raisin and Kissing Christmas Goodbye Read onlineAgatha Raisin and Kissing Christmas GoodbyeRegency Gold (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 2) Read onlineRegency Gold (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 2)The Marquis Takes a Bride Read onlineThe Marquis Takes a BrideHamish Macbeth 16 (1999) - A Highland Christmas Read onlineHamish Macbeth 16 (1999) - A Highland ChristmasDeath of a Liar Read onlineDeath of a LiarHamish Macbeth 01; Death of a Gossip hm-1 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 01; Death of a Gossip hm-1Love and Lady Lovelace (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 8) Read onlineLove and Lady Lovelace (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 8)Death of an Honest Man Read onlineDeath of an Honest ManThe Desirable Duchess Read onlineThe Desirable DuchessDeception (Daughters of Mannerling 3) Read onlineDeception (Daughters of Mannerling 3)A Highland Christmas hm-16 Read onlineA Highland Christmas hm-16Polly Read onlinePollyThe Savage Marquess Read onlineThe Savage MarquessAgatha Raisin 03 (1994) - The Potted Gardener Read onlineAgatha Raisin 03 (1994) - The Potted GardenerPushing Up Daisies Read onlinePushing Up DaisiesDeath Of An Addict Read onlineDeath Of An AddictBanishment (Daughters of Mannerling 1) Read onlineBanishment (Daughters of Mannerling 1)Amaryllis Read onlineAmaryllisHamish MacBeth 06 (1991) - Death of a Snob Read onlineHamish MacBeth 06 (1991) - Death of a SnobThe Paper Princess Read onlineThe Paper PrincessHamish Macbeth 06; Death of a Snob hm-6 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 06; Death of a Snob hm-6The Dreadful Debutante Read onlineThe Dreadful DebutanteAgatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryfam Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Fairies of FryfamHamish Macbeth 22 (2006) - Death of a Dreamer Read onlineHamish Macbeth 22 (2006) - Death of a DreamerDishing the Dirt Read onlineDishing the DirtMinerva Read onlineMinervaDeath of a Nag hm-11 Read onlineDeath of a Nag hm-11Hamish Macbeth 18 (2002) - Death of a Celebrity Read onlineHamish Macbeth 18 (2002) - Death of a CelebrityQuadrille (The Love and Temptation Series Book 5) Read onlineQuadrille (The Love and Temptation Series Book 5)Death of a Glutton hm-8 Read onlineDeath of a Glutton hm-8The Westerby Sisters (Changing Fortunes Series) Read onlineThe Westerby Sisters (Changing Fortunes Series)The Scandalous Marriage (The Dukes and Desires Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Scandalous Marriage (The Dukes and Desires Series Book 7)The Adventuress: HFTS5 Read onlineThe Adventuress: HFTS5Death of a Valentine Read onlineDeath of a ValentineDeath of a Nag Read onlineDeath of a NagDeath of a Dustman hm-17 Read onlineDeath of a Dustman hm-17Hamish Macbeth 09 (1993) - Death of a Travelling Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 09 (1993) - Death of a Travelling ManThe Loves of Lord Granton (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 2) Read onlineThe Loves of Lord Granton (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 2)Agatha Raisin and a Spoonful of Poison ar-19 Read onlineAgatha Raisin and a Spoonful of Poison ar-19To Dream of Love Read onlineTo Dream of LoveAgatha Raisin 04 (1995) - The Walkers of Dembley Read onlineAgatha Raisin 04 (1995) - The Walkers of DembleyHamish MacBeth 01 (1985) - Death of a Gossip Read onlineHamish MacBeth 01 (1985) - Death of a GossipDeath of a Maid hm-23 Read onlineDeath of a Maid hm-23Belinda Goes to Bath Read onlineBelinda Goes to BathDeath of a Kingfisher Read onlineDeath of a KingfisherDeath of a Charming Man hm-10 Read onlineDeath of a Charming Man hm-10Death of a Prankster hm-7 Read onlineDeath of a Prankster hm-7The Miser of Mayfair: HFTS1 Read onlineThe Miser of Mayfair: HFTS1Hamish Macbeth 05; Death of a Hussy hm-5 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 05; Death of a Hussy hm-5A Governess of Distinction (Endearing Young Charms Book 6) Read onlineA Governess of Distinction (Endearing Young Charms Book 6)The Westerby Inheritance Read onlineThe Westerby InheritanceDeath of a Hussy Read onlineDeath of a HussyHamish MacBeth 07 (1998) - Death of a Prankster Read onlineHamish MacBeth 07 (1998) - Death of a PranksterHamish Macbeth 20 (2004) - Death of a Poison Pen Read onlineHamish Macbeth 20 (2004) - Death of a Poison PenMiss Tonks Turns to Crime Read onlineMiss Tonks Turns to CrimeEdwardian Murder Mystery 01; Snobbery with Violence emm-1 Read onlineEdwardian Murder Mystery 01; Snobbery with Violence emm-1Agatha Raisin and the Wizard of Evesham Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Wizard of EveshamHamish Macbeth 12 (1996) - Death of a Macho Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 12 (1996) - Death of a Macho ManYvonne Goes to York Read onlineYvonne Goes to YorkA Highland Christmas Read onlineA Highland ChristmasSweet Masquerade (The Love and Temptation Series Book 4) Read onlineSweet Masquerade (The Love and Temptation Series Book 4)Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wykhadden Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Witch of WykhaddenThe Dead Ringer Read onlineThe Dead RingerAgatha Raisin 05 (1996) - The Murderous Marriage Read onlineAgatha Raisin 05 (1996) - The Murderous MarriageAgatha Raisin 07 (1998) - The Wellspring of Death Read onlineAgatha Raisin 07 (1998) - The Wellspring of DeathAgatha Raisin: As the Pig Turns ar-22 Read onlineAgatha Raisin: As the Pig Turns ar-22