Agatha Raisin and The Murderous Marriage ar-5 Read online

  Agatha glared at her plate. She still fondly imagined that if she microwaved a frozen meal and hid the wrappings, James would think she had cooked it herself.

  She suddenly looked across the table at him as he pushed his food moodily about on his plate and said, "Do you love me, James?"

  "I'm marrying you, aren't I?"

  "Yes, I know, James, but we never talk about our feelings for each other. I feel we should communicate more."

  "You've been watching Oprah Winfrey again. Thank you for sharing that with me, Agatha. I'm not a talking-about-feelings person, nor do I see the need for it. Now shall I get the bill and we'll go home and have a sandwich?"

  Agatha felt so crushed, she didn't even have the heart to complain about the food. He was silent as he drove them home and Agatha felt a lump of ice in her stomach. What if he had gone off her?

  But he made love to her that night with his usual silent passion and she felt reassured. You couldn't change people. James was marrying her, and nothing else mattered.

  The rain-clouds rolled back on the day of Agatha's wedding. Sunlight sparkled in the puddles. The rain-battered roses in Agatha's garden sent out a heady scent. Doris Simpson was to look after Agatha's cats while she was on her honeymoon. Her cottage stood empty now. Only the elephant and her clothes had been transferred to James's cottage.

  Agatha, sitting down to make up her face on the great day, wiped off the liberal application of a brand-new anti-wrinkle cream and then stared at her face in horror. She had come out in a red rash. Her face was fiery. She rushed and bathed it in cold water, but the redness remained.

  Mrs. Bloxby arrived to find Agatha almost in tears. "Look at me!" wailed Agatha. "I tried that new anti-wrinkle cream, Instant Youth, and look what it's done."

  "Time's getting on, Agatha," said Mrs. Bloxby anxiously. "Haven't you any thick make-up you could put on?"

  Agatha found an old tube of pancake make-up and put a heavy layer over her face. It left a line where her chin ended and her neck began, so she applied the stuff to her neck as well, and then a layer of powder. Eye-shadow, blusher, and mascara followed. Agatha groaned at the resultant mask-like effect. But Mrs. Bloxby, looking out of the window, said the limousine to take Agatha to Mircester had arrived.

  So much for the most important day of my life, thought Agatha dismally.

  The day was fine but with a blustery wind, which snatched Agatha's hat from her head as she was about to get into the limousine and sent it bowling along Lilac Lane, where it settled in a muddy puddle.

  "Oh dear," mourned Mrs. Bloxby. "Do you have another hat?"

  "I'll go without one," said Agatha, fighting back a sudden impulse to cry. . She felt that everything was suddenly turning against her. And she dare not cry. For tears would channel runnels through her mask of make-up.

  Mrs. Bloxby gave up trying to make conversation on the road to Mircester. The bride-to-be was unusually silent.

  But Agatha's spirits appeared to lift when the registry office came in sight and James could be seen standing in front of it, talking to his sister and Bill Wong. Roy Silver was also there, feeling virtuous now that he had done nothing to wreck Agatha's marriage, or so he told himself. If Jimmy Raisin wasn't dead, he soon would be. He might have mentioned to Jimmy that Agatha was getting married and lived in Carsely, but Jimmy had been so drunk, so sodden, that Roy was sure the man hadn't really taken in a word he said. I And so they all went into the registry office, James's relatives, and, on Agatha's side, the members of the Carsely Ladies' Society.

  Mrs. Bloxby took a spray of flowers out of its florist's box and pinned it on the lapel of Agatha's white suit. She noticed that some of Agatha's make-up had stained the white collar of her suit but did not like to say so, thinking that Agatha was already feeling low enough about her appearance.

  Fred Griggs, Carsely's village policeman, was unusual in that he liked to walk about the village, instead of patrolling it in the police car. He looked with distaste at the shambling figure of a stranger entering the village by the north road.

  "What's your name and what's your business here?" asked Fred.

  "Jimmy Raisin," said the stranger.

  Jimmy was sober for the first time in weeks. He had bathed and shaved at a Salvation Army hostel, and then had begged enough money for the bus fare to the Cotswolds. The Salvation Army had also furnished him with a decent suit and a pair of shoes.

  "Relation of Mrs. Raisin, are you?" asked Fred, bis fat face creasing in a genial smile.

  "I'm her husband," said Jimmy. He stared about him at the quiet village, at the well-kept houses, and gave a little sigh of satisfaction. His sole reason for seeking out his wife was to find himself a comfortable home in which to quietly drink himself to death.

  "Can't be," said Fred, the smile leaving his face. "Our Mrs. Raisin is getting married today."

  Jimmy drew a much-folded and dirty piece of paper from his pocket, his marriage lines, which he had somehow held on to over the years, and silently handed it to the policeman.

  Appalled, Fred exclaimed. "I'd better stop that wedding. Oh, my! Wait right here. I'll get the car."

  The registrar did not get as far as pronouncing James and Agatha man and wife. They heard a commotion from the back of the room and then a voice shouting, "Stop!"

  Agatha turned slowly around. She recognized Fred Griggs, but he was with a man she thought she did not know at all. Even though Jimmy might have been drunk when she left him all those years ago, he had been a handsome fellow with thick curly black hair. The man with Fred had greasy grey hair and a bloated face with a swollen nose and his thin shoulders were stooped. In fact, his figure looked too frail to carry the weight of the large swollen gut which hung over the waistband of his trousers.

  Fred went quickly up to her. He had planned to take her aside, to break the news to her tactfully, but Agatha's horrified, mask-like face unnerved him and he blurted out in front of everyone, "Your husband's here, Agatha. This is Jimmy Raisin."

  Agatha looked about her in a bewildered way. "He's dead. Jimmy's dead. What's Fred talking about?"

  "It's me, Aggie, your husband," said Jimmy. He waved his marriage lines under her nose.

  Agatha was aware of the shocked rigidity of James Lacey beside her.

  She looked at Jimmy Raisin again and saw beneath the wastage of the years the faint resemblance to the husband she had once known.

  "How did you find me?" she asked faintly.

  Jimmy turned around. "Him," he said, jerking a thumb in Roy's direction. "Turned up at my box, he did."

  Roy let out a squawk of fright, took to his heels and ran.

  One of James's aunts, a thin beanpole of a woman with a loud, carrying voice, said clearly, "Really, James, to have avoided marriage all these years and then to get involved in a mess like this!"

  It was then that Agatha snapped. She looked at her husband with pure hate in her bearlike eyes. "I'll kill you, you bastard," she howled.

  She tried to get her hands around his neck, but Bill Wong pulled her away.

  James Lacey's voice cut through the shocked exclamations of the guests and relatives. He said to the registrar, who was standing with his mouth hanging open. "Take us into another room." He put his hand under Agatha's arm and urged her forward to follow the registrar. Bill Wong brought Jimmy Raisin along after them.

  When they were all seated in a dusty ante-room, James said wearily, "Naturally, the marriage cannot go ahead."

  "Of course not," agreed Bill. "Not until Agatha here gets a divorce."

  "Agatha can get a divorce if she likes," said James savagely. "But it won't mean marriage to me. You lied to me, Agatha. You disgraced me and I will never forgive you. Never!"

  He turned to Bill. "Try to sort this mess out. I'm off. There's nothing for me here."

  "I was afraid of losing you," whispered Agatha, but the slamming of the door as James left was the only answer she got.

  "Seems like you've still got me," leered Jimmy.
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  "You have no claim on her," said Bill Wong. "I suggest you get a lawyer and take out an injunction to prevent your husband from approaching you, Agatha."

  "You've done well for yourself, Aggie," whined Jimmy. "How's about a bit o' cash to see me on my way."

  Agatha wrenched open the clasps of her Gucci handbag, pulled out her wallet, extracted a handful of notes and thrust them at him. "Get out of my sight!" she yelled.

  Jimmy grinned and shoved the money into a pocket. "Give us a kiss, then," he said.

  Bill hustled him to the door and pushed him outside and then returned to Agatha.

  "Really, officer," said the registrar, "I must insist you bring him back as a witness. It appears to me that Mrs. Raisin here should be charged with attempting to commit bigamy."

  "The misunderstanding arose like this," said Bill. "I was present a year ago when Mrs. Raisin received a letter from an old friend in London telling her that Jimmy was dead. Is that not true, Agatha?"

  Despite her misery, Agatha was shrewd enough to see the lifeline being thrown to her and nodded dumbly.

  "So, as you can see," said Bill, "there was no intent to commit bigamy. Mrs. Raisin has received a bad shock. I suggest we all go home."

  "Well, since I know you to be a respected officer of the law in Mircester," said the registrar, "I will say no more about it."

  Agatha returned to her own home. There was nothing in it but Bill's china elephant and her suitcases of clothes. James had a key to her cottage. He must have carried all her stuff from his cottage and left it. She had asked Mrs. Bloxby to tell them at the village hall to have a party instead of a wedding reception. She phoned the removal firm and told them to bring back her furniture and belongings. They said it could not be done that day, but she swore at them so savagely and offered to pay so much that they agreed to be around with the goods as quickly as possible.

  Agatha sat on the floor of the empty kitchen and hugged the china elephant and let the tears come at last, carving lines through her make-up. Dimly she was aware that the weather had broken and rain was dripping from the thatch. Her cats sat side by side and looked at her curiously.

  The doorbell rang. She did not want to answer it but then heard the vicar's wife calling urgently, "Are you all right, Agatha? Agatha?"

  She took out a handkerchief and scrubbed her face and then went and opened the door.

  "Where's James?" asked Agatha.

  "He's gone. His car's gone and he left his house keys with Fred Griggs."

  "Gone where?"

  "He said something to Fred about going abroad and said he didn't know when he would be back."

  "Oh, God," said Agatha, her voice breaking on a sob. "I could kill him."

  "James?"

  "No, Jimmy Raisin. Drunken swine. The first good thing I did in my life was to walk out on him."

  "I think if I were you I would feel more like killing Roy Silver," said Mrs. Bloxby ruefully. "But just think, if it had all come out after you were married, it would have been even more of a disaster."

  "I don't know," said Agatha wretchedly. "Perhaps by that time James might have loved me enough to stand by me."

  Mrs. Bloxby fell silent. She thought Agatha had behaved badly, and yet sympathized with her motives. And James Lacey should have stood by Agatha. Middle-aged bachelors were always difficult creatures. Poor Agatha.

  Mrs. Lacey and Agatha sat down on the floor beside the elephant. The doorbell went again.

  "Whoever that is, tell them to go away," said Agatha.

  Mrs. Bloxby got to her feet. Agatha heard the murmur of voice, then the closing of the front door. Mrs. Bloxby returned. "That was Alf," she said, meaning her husband, the vicar. "He wanted to offer you some spiritual comfort, but I told him now was not the moment. What will you do now?"

  "I don't know," said Agatha wearily. "Take this cottage off the market, rearrange my stuff, go away somewhere until I feel I can face the village again."

  "There is really no need to run away, Agatha. Your friends are all here."

  "You'll start me crying again if you go on like that. I think I'd like to be alone for a bit. Could you tell everyone not to call on me?"

  Mrs. Bloxby gave her a quick hug and then left. Agatha sat on the floor beside the elephant, staring into space. Three hours later, when the removal firm arrived, she roused herself and let them in. She signed an enormous cheque, tipped the men generously, and then drove to the all-night garage on the Fosse Way outside Moreton-in-Marsh and bought a few groceries.

  She wondered whether to call in at Thresher's in Moreton and buy a bottle of something and get drunk, but finding herself suddenly exhausted with misery and emotion, she returned home, bathed and went to bed and plunged into a nightmare-ridden sleep.

  She awoke at five in the morning, knowing that sleep would not return and feeling like the character in Ruddigore who was glad the awful night was over. She decided to go for a long walk and see if she could tire herself out and so be able to return to bed and sleep some more of the misery away.

  Carsely lay silent under the grey light of a watery dawn. The rain had stopped and the air was chilly. The village consisted of one main street with httle winding lanes running off it, like Lilac Lane where Agatha lived. With no cars on the roads, the village looked much as it must have done a century ago, with the thatched cottages nestling under the shadow of the square Norman tower of the church. Agatha quickened her step and strode up the hill. She could not think of James Lacey yet or wonder what he was doing. Her mind flinched away from the very thought of him. As she walked on, she began to feel she was walking away from some of her misery and grief.

  But it seemed the nightmare was not about to end. For down the road towards her came Jimmy Raisin. He was the worse from drink, swaying and mumbling to himself, an expensive bottle of malt whisky sticking out of his pocket.

  Agatha turned on her heel and began to walk down the hill away from him. He came running after her, a shambling, staggering run. "Come on, Aggie," he yelled. "I'm your husband."

  She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. A red mist seemed to rise before her eyes. She did not even see Harry Symes, one of the farm workers, coming up the hill on his tractor.

  When Jimmy reached her, she slapped him hard across the face, so hard that her diamond engagement ring cut his lip, and then, with all her force, she shoved him into the ditch.

  She stood over him, her hands on her hips. "Why don't you die!" she panted. And then she ran off down the hill.

  One hour later, the police were on her doorstep and she was charged with the murder of Jimmy Raisin.

  TWO

  THEY followed Agatha into her living-room: Detective Chief Inspector Wilkes, Detective Sergeant Bill Wong, Detective Constable Maddie Hurd.

  Agatha was glad of Bill's presence. Wilkes she already knew, but Maddie Hurd, a rather hard-faced young woman with cold grey eyes, was new to her.

  "We must ask you to accompany us to the police station," said Wilkes after the charge had been read out.

  Agatha found her voice. "Jimmy can't be dead. I belted him one across the face and pushed him into the ditch. Oh, my God, did he hit something and break his neck?"

  A flicker of surprise crossed Wilkes's dark eyes, but he said, "Down to the station and we'll go through it there."

  She suddenly, passionately wanted James Lacey to appear, not because she still loved him, but because he would have taken over with his usual brusque common sense. She had never felt so alone. "Come along, Agatha," said Bill.

  "I do not think Detective Sergeant Wong should be on this case as he is obviously a friend of the accused," said Maddie Hurd. Agatha looked at her with hate.

  "Later," snapped Wilkes.

  A small group of villagers had gathered outside Agatha's cottage. She wondered bleakly if there could possibly be one more thing she could do which would shame her so utterly in the eyes of the village - first attempted bigamy, now murder.

  At police headquart
ers in Mircester, she was led into an interviewing room, the tape was switched on, and Wilkes began the questioning, flanked by another detective sergeant, Bill Wong having disappeared.

  Gathering all her resources, Agatha said she had gone out walking early because she could not sleep. She had seen Jimmy approaching her. He was drunk. He had run after her. She had lost her temper and slapped him. She had pushed him into the ditch and she had shouted something at him. Yes, she was afraid she had shouted that she hoped he would die. If he had struck his head on something, she was sorry, she had not meant to kill him.

  And that seemed straightforward to Agatha, but they took her backwards and forwards through her story, over and over again. Getting some courage back, she demanded a solicitor and then was put in a cell to await his arrival.

  The solicitor was an elderly gentleman whom Agatha had picked out a few months before to help her make her will in which she had left everything to James Lacey. He had been avuncular and kind then, the family solicitor from Central Casting with his thick grey hair, gold-rimmed glasses and charcoal-grey suit. Now he looked as if he wished himself anywhere else in the whole wide world but sitting in an interview room with Agatha Raisin.

  The questioning began again. "What more can I tell you?" Agatha suddenly howled in a fury. "You can't trip me up and get me to say anything else because I am telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

  "Calmly, dear lady," admonished the solicitor, Mr. Times.

  "You," said Agatha, "have done bugger-all since you got here but looked sideways at me as if I am some sort of Lady Macbeth."

  There was a knock at the door. Wilkes snapped, "Come in." Bill Wong put his head around the door. "A word, sir. Most urgent."

  Wilkes switched off the tape and went outside.

  Inside, Agatha's burst of anger had gone, leaving her weak and shaky. Everything was against her. She had attacked Jimmy in front of everyone at the registry office and she had been seen by Harry Symes to attack him that very morning. She was not free to find out who had actually done it should it prove not to have been an accident. Whom else could anyone possibly suspect? Who else would want to kill a drunk who normally lived in a packing-case in Waterloo? Only Agatha Raisin.