The Wicked Godmother: HFTS3 Read online

Page 11


  Than answer “Yes” to you.

  —Rossetti

  Perhaps the day’s events might have brought about the eternal ruin of Miss Harriet Metcalf’s reputation had it not been for one simple little act of kindness on her part.

  Despite the excitements that lay ahead, Harriet summoned Lizzie and began the girl’s lessons. It was a relief to discover that the scullery maid was not entirely illiterate. She proved an apt pupil, and Harriet had hopes of seeing the girl able to read with ease before very long.

  The previous day’s outing had brought the roses back to Lizzie’s pale cheeks, and the excitement of being treated to her gentle mistress’s full attention made her eyes glow.

  Harriet was also moved by her ugly pet’s obvious devotion to the little servant. Beauty laid his head across the tin buckles of Lizzie’s shoes and gazed up at her worshipfully from his small eyes.

  Upstairs, the twins were already out of bed and sending Emily hither and thither to fetch ribbons and laces.

  “Thought you wanted me to gossip about Miss Metcalf,” said Emily as she heated the curling tongs on the spirit lamp.

  “Not now, Emily,” said Sarah. “Our country bumpkin has done amazing well for us. I have never been quite so in charity with her before. Do you say that she was running around Brighton with those servants?”

  “They was all talking about it in the servants’ hall last night,” said Emily, picking up the tongs and a strand of Sarah’s hair at the same time. “Seems she chatted away to them all just as if they was her equals and entertained them all to dinner at The Ship.”

  “It is the outside of enough,” said Annabelle. “Do you hear, Sarah? Our money is being thrown into the laps of town servants who have probably already salted away a fortune.”

  Sarah shrugged. “Since she has been instrumental in securing Huntingdon for me, then she may take her pleasures belowstairs as much as she likes as far as I am concerned.”

  “Do you hear, Emily?” cried Annabelle. “How much my sister has changed! A forthcoming marriage soothes the savage breast wonderfully.”

  “But now they are all singing her praises,” pointed out Emily. “It will be the harder now to turn them against her.”

  “You can always turn servants,” said Sarah. “They do not really have minds of their own. But as of this moment we dote on our godmother. Do not wrench my hair, Emily. What has come over you?”

  Harriet had put on her best morning gown to receive Lord Vere. It was of a misty-blue jaconet muslin made with a gored bodice and was finished with a tucker of fine embroidery. Over it she wore a cambric pelisse made with long sleeves. To add credence to her chaperone status, she had put on a dainty muslin cap. She thought it aged her nicely, unaware that the cap was vastly fetching, the almost transparent starched muslin sitting daintily on top of her blond head.

  Although the day was warm, the heat had not yet permeated the building and so she had Joseph make up the fire with scented logs. Alice was sent to the market to bring bunches of daffodils and tulips to fill the vases in the front parlour.

  Lord Vere arrived promptly. Harriet rose to meet him, looking at him with approval. For once he had forgone his usual Byronic style of dress and was wearing a blue swallow-tail coat and sporting a cravat of gigantic proportions.

  He talked nervously of the weather and of how shattered he had been when she had failed to join the Richmond party.

  Taking pity on his nervous condition, Harriet threw him a teasing look and said, “I am sure we could chat with greater ease if you unburdened yourself.”

  Wild hope gleamed in Lord Vere’s eyes. To Harriet’s amazement, he threw himself down on his knees in front of her.

  “Love has taken away my courage,” he said. “You are all the world to me, Miss Metcalf. Pray give me the very great honour of being allowed to call you mine.”

  Harriet sat very still, looking down at him, her blue eyes wide with shock.

  At last she cleared her throat nervously and said, “Lord Vere, I cannot have heard you aright. I understood from your letter you wished to ask my permission to pay your addresses to Annabelle.”

  “Annabelle!” exclaimed Lord Vere, clutching Harriet’s little hands in a painful grasp. “How could you think such a thing? It is you I love. I love you to distraction.”

  Harriet tugged miserably at her hands until he released them. She stood up and Lord Vere stumbled to his feet as well.

  “Lord Vere,” said Harriet wretchedly, “if I have done anything, said anything unwittingly to encourage you in the belief that my affections were engaged, then I am truly sorry. I am in London solely in the position of chaperone to the Misses Hayner. I have no dowry and therefore I could not possibly believe any gentleman would wish to propose to me.”

  “But your lack of dowry does not matter,” cried Lord Vere. “Miss Metcalf … sweet Harriet … please accept my proposal.”

  “I cannot,” said Harriet, looking sadly at his face, thinking how very young he looked, although she knew him to be older than herself. “I had not thought of marriage for myself.”

  “Then I may hope? When this Season is over … ?”

  “No, my lord,” said Harriet firmly, although she felt a lump rising in her throat. “I am afraid there is no hope.”

  He seized her hands again and kissed them passionately and turned and ran from the room.

  Sarah and Annabelle, who had been listening at the door, fell back just in time. So great was his distress that he did not even see them. The twins scampered upstairs to Annabelle’s room.

  “Well!” said Sarah, slamming the door. “Did you ever?”

  Two bright spots of red burned in Annabelle’s cheeks. “She has done it again,” she hissed. “The lying, scheming jade.”

  “Why on earth did she refuse him?” asked Sarah.

  “Because she is after your marquess, that’s why.”

  But Sarah’s vanity remained intact. “You imagined Lord Vere was after you, Annabelle. But there is one thing I know, Lord Huntingdon wishes to make me his own.”

  “Oh, really?” said Annabelle, quite animated with rage and venom, “Just you wait until two o’clock!”

  “Shhh!” said Sarah. “Here she comes.”

  Annabelle picked up a book, and Sarah picked up a piece of sewing.

  When Harriet came slowly into the room, the girls looked neat, calm, and maidenly.

  “I am so sorry, Annabelle,” said Harriet wretchedly. “He does not wish to propose to you.”

  “Then why did he write such a letter?” demanded Annabelle, keeping her eyes fastened on her book.

  “He—Lord Vere, that is—was under the false idea that I, of all people, would welcome his advances. I refused, of course. Oh, my dear girls,” said Harriet, her eyes filling with tears, “after all my hopes for you!”

  “There is still Huntingdon,” pointed out Sarah, with a malicious look at her sister.

  “So there is,” said Harriet, brightening. Her face fell again. “But Lord Vere was so suitable for Annabelle.”

  Annabelle composed herself and raised her eyes. “Do not fret, dear Harriet,” she said. “The Season has not begun, and I was only going to accept Lord Vere for his title. My affections were not seriously engaged.”

  “Oh, you best of girls,” said Harriet, giving her a hug. “You have no idea how much better I feel. Sarah, I shall send Rainbird for you directly when Lord Huntingdon asks my permission.”

  “How too vastly touching,” sobbed Annabelle as soon as the door had closed behind Harriet. “I could not bear to let her see how badly my sensibilities have been wounded. I could strangle her!”

  “Gently, Sis, only think what beaux I can find you when I am the Marchioness of Huntingdon.”

  Lord Huntingdon had come to the momentous decision to marry Harriet Metcalf after that dreadful outing to Richmond. He and Gilbert, Lord Vere, had not discussed it, or the absence of Harriet Metcalf. The marquess had taken his leave of Lord Vere as soon as poss
ible. He wanted to be alone to turn over the problem in his mind at his leisure.

  Harriet had got under his skin. He had thought of nothing and no one else while he had sat listening to the trite chatter of those Hayner girls. His face felt stiff with smiling. He was sure he would not be causing any serious damage to Gilbert’s heart. Lord Vere had seemed perfectly happy with the twins and had not asked after Harriet once.

  That Harriet might refuse his offer never once crossed the marquess’s mind. He knew his worth. He was rich, titled, and neither a cripple nor did he have a squint. No woman in her right mind would turn him down, particularly a penniless one.

  As he walked along to Clarges Street, he did not notice that clouds had covered the sun, or feel the chill breath of the rising wind on his cheek. He was wrapped in dreams of how first overawed, then grateful Harriet Metcalf would be.

  Harriet’s experience with Lord Vere had somewhat dimmed the day for her, and it was a sedate little lady who rose to meet the marquess when he was ushered in.

  He refused refreshment, wanting to get out the proposal that was burning in his mind. She looked so delectable. Her lips were soft and pink. He wondered how old she was. She had said something about her parents dying a certain time ago. She must be in her middle twenties, and yet she looked fresh and young and virginal.

  But Harriet did not feel it necessary to encourage him to get his request to pay his addresses to Sarah over and done with. Unlike Lord Vere, he did not look in the slightest nervous. In fact, she thought he looked extremely handsome. His cravat was snowy perfection, and he wore his morning clothes with an air. His hessian boots shone like black glass. His chestnut hair gleamed with threads of gold. It was very thick and had a natural curl.

  He smiled at Harriet suddenly—a warm, tender, and seductive smile. She felt the hot colour rising in her cheeks and wished he were not quite so attractive.

  “Well, Miss Metcalf,” he said, after the topic of the weather had been thoroughly exhausted, “you know why I am come.”

  “Yes, my lord,” said Harriet calmly. He looked at her a little surprised. He would have considered it more in character if Harriet had looked a little flustered or nervous. But the wide blue eyes that met his with such open candour betrayed no nervousness or embarrassment whatsoever.

  “And you accept?”

  “I can hardly accept for someone else.” Harriet smiled. “But, yes, you have my permission, and you will find Sarah delighted to see you.” Harriet rose.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, his voice sharp.

  “Why, to fetch Miss Sarah.”

  “Do you need that chit’s approval? You are the chaperone and not Sarah.”

  “But I am not a tyrant. I do not tell my charges whom they must marry!”

  “Sit down,” barked the marquess.

  Harriet sat down again, her blue eyes filled with wonder.

  “We appear to be talking at cross purposes. I shall make matters plain and simple. I wish to marry you, Miss Metcalf.”

  “Oh, no!” shrieked Harriet. “Not you as well!”

  “Explain yourself.”

  “I thought Lord Vere had come to propose to Annabelle, but he proposed to me instead, And now you! I thought you wanted to marry Sarah.”

  “Why should I want to marry some chit barely out of the schoolroom?”

  “She has a dowry,” wailed Harriet.

  “Money appears to control all your thoughts and motives. I do not want to marry Sarah Hayner. I want to marry you.”

  “I don’t want to marry you,” said the much-goaded Harriet.

  “Why not?”

  “I do not love you. You … you frighten me.”

  “I thought love did not enter into your calculations, my mercenary widgeon. I am rich—”

  “I do not want money.”

  “I am a marquess.”

  “I do not want a title.”

  “Then, in heaven’s name, what do you want?”

  “I had not thought of marriage for myself,” said Harriet. “Oh, but I should want someone to love me and cherish me and be faithful to me.”

  That was surely the marquess’s cue to go down on one knee and swear undying love and devotion, but pride kept him where he was; pride made him say in a flat voice, “Then you ask the impossible. I once had all that to give and gave it to that heartless strumpet I made my first bride.”

  “I did not think you had ever been married,” whispered Harriet.

  “I am thirty-two.”

  “But with such a reputation for philandering—” began Harriet.

  “Enough,” he said. “I had forgot that tongue of yours. I must be out of my wits to have ever contemplated allying my name to a vulgar, countrified wench such as yourself.”

  “Oh, yes,” agreed Harriet wholeheartedly. “So now you know I am not worthy of you, we may be comfortable again.”

  “Comfortable!” He seized his locks and gave them a massive pull. “Madam, pretend we have never met.”

  Once more, Number 67 saw the hurried departure of a rejected lord. Once more, Annabelle and Sarah scurried upstairs to nurse their rage and burning cheeks.

  “You see!” cried Annabelle. “You see!”

  “I see,” said Sarah. “Oh, here she comes. Tell her I have lain down with the headache and shall see her later.”

  Sarah gloomily listened to the whisperings at the bedroom door until Annabelle came back.

  “And he did propose to her,” said Sarah in a flat voice.

  Annabelle nodded.

  “She has done it again,” said Sarah. “Anyone who might love us is ruthlessly snatched from us, and she stands there with her eyes full of tears, looking as if butter would not melt in her mouth, and says she had nothing to do with it. Isn’t that the way of it?”

  “She was sore distressed—or appeared so,” said Annabelle. “But she did not accept him either.”

  Sarah rang the bell and when Emily appeared she said, “Fetch us champagne.”

  “I may wish you well, my ladies?” asked Emily.

  “No, you may not wish us well,” said Sarah. “We are in need of a restorative. Our dear godmother received proposals from our beaux all right, but they proposed to her.”

  “I told you, ma’am,” said Emily hotly. “She is not to be trusted.

  “Get along with you,” said Sarah wearily. When Emily had left, Sarah muttered, “I would like to kill Harriet.”

  “Why don’t we get Emily to spread some gossip after all?” said Annabelle. “All we need to do is tell the truth. She did set out to steal Papa’s affections away. She did!”

  “Did she?” said Sarah. “Do you know, Sis, perhaps what makes Harriet such a formidable rival is that she never does mean any wrong. She did not do anything with Huntingdon and Vere other than run around trying to push them into our arms.”

  “But you said—”

  “I said, I said,” cried Sarah. “Do not let us discuss the matter further until we have had that champagne.”

  After Emily had left the servants’ hall that night, the others sat in a stunned silence and discussed what the lady’s maid had just told them about Miss Metcalf. “Emily was sore distressed, but I cannot credit it,” said Mrs. Middleton. “That sweet Miss Metcalf should have been the mistress of Sir Benjamin Hayner, that she should be salting away the girls’ fortune to feather her own nest!”

  “Emily was certainly convincing,” said Rainbird gloomily. “She practically choked it out in bits and pieces, and we had to drag most of it out of her.”

  “Them fair ones are always the most sly,” said Joseph, who obscurely blamed Miss Metcalf for Lizzie’s new coldness.

  “I think that’s awful rude of you, Joseph,” said Alice, “seeing as how I’m fair meself.”

  “I hate Emily,” burst out Lizzie, startling them all. “I’ve hated and distrusted her from the minute she arrived. She’s the one what’s sly. And if Miss Metcalf is such a low, selfish, and cunning woman, why then does she b
other about a scullery maid’s health or trouble to teach her her letters?”

  “That’s right,” said Rainbird, “and I’ll tell you something more. Seems to me as if Lord Vere and Lord Huntingdon was calling on Miss Metcalf, not on the Hayner girls and what’s more got sent off. Now … let me think, Joseph, and I can’t if you keep on strumming that mandolin…. What if the misses became jealous and told Emily to … ? Oh, it’s nonsense. They would never do a thing like that.”

  “But we know her, we’ve spent a whole day with her,” said Lizzie passionately. “Are we going to believe the evidence of our own minds and eyes and ears, or are we going to listen to that Emily?”

  “The lassie’s got the right o’ it,” said Angus MacGregor. “See here, it’s no’ Miss Metcalf that’s done any wrong, and it’s no’ the Hayner girls, it’s probably just that Emily is wanderin’ in her head. We’ll just be kind tae her an’ no let on we dinnae believe her.”

  “And no repeating any of this to Luke or talking to the others at The Running Footman,” said Rainbird sternly. “Emily’s probably had one of these queer turns that take women sometimes. She’ll be all right tomorrow.”

  Perhaps if Emily’s gossip had found root in the servants’ hall and had spread throughout the ton, Sarah and Annabelle might have been comforted by Harriet’s humiliation. But as Harriet’s popularity appeared to increase rather than decrease, so did their jealousy increase, and they disliked Harriet more than ever.

  They dissembled well. Outside, they appeared much the same—giggling and laughing and flirting at balls and parties.

  Sarah’s anger was further fueled by two pieces of gossip. The Marquess of Huntingdon had gone back to his estates in the country and showed no signs of returning. Lord Vere had indicated in a drunken farewell to his friends that his heart was broken and had left to re-enlist in the army.

  But lying in bed at night, Sarah often worried and wondered why Huntingdon could have preferred Harriet to herself. She was more modish than her godmother and certainly more beautiful.

  But although the twins’ vanity regarding their personal appearance was intact, they were still beginning to feel defeated. Each longed for a sphere where they could shine without the dampening presence of Harriet Metcalf.

 

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Hasty Death emm-2 Read onlineEdwardian Murder Mystery 02; Hasty Death emm-2The Constant Companion Read onlineThe Constant CompanionHamish Macbeth 14 (1999) - Death of a Scriptwriter Read onlineHamish Macbeth 14 (1999) - Death of a ScriptwriterGinny Read onlineGinnyHamish Macbeth 10 (1994) - Death of a Charming Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 10 (1994) - Death of a Charming ManHamish Macbeth 03; Death of an Outsider hm-3 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 03; Death of an Outsider hm-3The Love from Hell ar-11 Read onlineThe Love from Hell ar-11The Scandalous Lady Wright (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 4) Read onlineThe Scandalous Lady Wright (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 4)Hamish Macbeth 17 (2001) - Death of a Dustman Read onlineHamish Macbeth 17 (2001) - Death of a DustmanHamish Macbeth 13 (1997) - Death of a Dentist Read onlineHamish Macbeth 13 (1997) - Death of a DentistThe Paper Princess (The Royal Ambition Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Paper Princess (The Royal Ambition Series Book 7)Rainbird's Revenge: HFTS6 Read onlineRainbird's Revenge: HFTS6The Perfect Gentleman (The Love and Temptation Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Perfect Gentleman (The Love and Temptation Series Book 7)Sir Philip's Folly (The Poor Relation Series Book 4) Read onlineSir Philip's Folly (The Poor Relation Series Book 4)The Witches' Tree--An Agatha Raisin Mystery Read onlineThe Witches' Tree--An Agatha Raisin MysteryDeath of an Outsider Read onlineDeath of an OutsiderHamish MacBeth 03 (1988) - Death of an Outsider Read onlineHamish MacBeth 03 (1988) - Death of an OutsiderAgatha Raisin and the Perfect Paragon Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Perfect ParagonDeath of a Chimney Sweep Read onlineDeath of a Chimney SweepThe Dreadful Debutante (The Royal Ambition Series Book 1) Read onlineThe Dreadful Debutante (The Royal Ambition Series Book 1)Something Borrowed, Someone Dead Read onlineSomething Borrowed, Someone DeadAgatha Raisin and The Murderous Marriage ar-5 Read onlineAgatha Raisin and The Murderous Marriage ar-5The Highland Countess Read onlineThe Highland CountessDeath of a Chimney Sweep hm-1 Read onlineDeath of a Chimney Sweep hm-1The Skeleton in the Closet Read onlineThe Skeleton in the ClosetSusie Read onlineSusieAgatha Raisin and Kissing Christmas Goodbye Read onlineAgatha Raisin and Kissing Christmas GoodbyeRegency Gold (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 2) Read onlineRegency Gold (The Regency Intrigue Series Book 2)The Marquis Takes a Bride Read onlineThe Marquis Takes a BrideHamish Macbeth 16 (1999) - A Highland Christmas Read onlineHamish Macbeth 16 (1999) - A Highland ChristmasDeath of a Liar Read onlineDeath of a LiarHamish Macbeth 01; Death of a Gossip hm-1 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 01; Death of a Gossip hm-1Love and Lady Lovelace (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 8) Read onlineLove and Lady Lovelace (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 8)Death of an Honest Man Read onlineDeath of an Honest ManThe Desirable Duchess Read onlineThe Desirable DuchessDeception (Daughters of Mannerling 3) Read onlineDeception (Daughters of Mannerling 3)A Highland Christmas hm-16 Read onlineA Highland Christmas hm-16Polly Read onlinePollyThe Savage Marquess Read onlineThe Savage MarquessAgatha Raisin 03 (1994) - The Potted Gardener Read onlineAgatha Raisin 03 (1994) - The Potted GardenerPushing Up Daisies Read onlinePushing Up DaisiesDeath Of An Addict Read onlineDeath Of An AddictBanishment (Daughters of Mannerling 1) Read onlineBanishment (Daughters of Mannerling 1)Amaryllis Read onlineAmaryllisHamish MacBeth 06 (1991) - Death of a Snob Read onlineHamish MacBeth 06 (1991) - Death of a SnobThe Paper Princess Read onlineThe Paper PrincessHamish Macbeth 06; Death of a Snob hm-6 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 06; Death of a Snob hm-6The Dreadful Debutante Read onlineThe Dreadful DebutanteAgatha Raisin and the Fairies of Fryfam Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Fairies of FryfamHamish Macbeth 22 (2006) - Death of a Dreamer Read onlineHamish Macbeth 22 (2006) - Death of a DreamerDishing the Dirt Read onlineDishing the DirtMinerva Read onlineMinervaDeath of a Nag hm-11 Read onlineDeath of a Nag hm-11Hamish Macbeth 18 (2002) - Death of a Celebrity Read onlineHamish Macbeth 18 (2002) - Death of a CelebrityQuadrille (The Love and Temptation Series Book 5) Read onlineQuadrille (The Love and Temptation Series Book 5)Death of a Glutton hm-8 Read onlineDeath of a Glutton hm-8The Westerby Sisters (Changing Fortunes Series) Read onlineThe Westerby Sisters (Changing Fortunes Series)The Scandalous Marriage (The Dukes and Desires Series Book 7) Read onlineThe Scandalous Marriage (The Dukes and Desires Series Book 7)The Adventuress: HFTS5 Read onlineThe Adventuress: HFTS5Death of a Valentine Read onlineDeath of a ValentineDeath of a Nag Read onlineDeath of a NagDeath of a Dustman hm-17 Read onlineDeath of a Dustman hm-17Hamish Macbeth 09 (1993) - Death of a Travelling Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 09 (1993) - Death of a Travelling ManThe Loves of Lord Granton (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 2) Read onlineThe Loves of Lord Granton (The Changing Fortunes Series, Vol. 2)Agatha Raisin and a Spoonful of Poison ar-19 Read onlineAgatha Raisin and a Spoonful of Poison ar-19To Dream of Love Read onlineTo Dream of LoveAgatha Raisin 04 (1995) - The Walkers of Dembley Read onlineAgatha Raisin 04 (1995) - The Walkers of DembleyHamish MacBeth 01 (1985) - Death of a Gossip Read onlineHamish MacBeth 01 (1985) - Death of a GossipDeath of a Maid hm-23 Read onlineDeath of a Maid hm-23Belinda Goes to Bath Read onlineBelinda Goes to BathDeath of a Kingfisher Read onlineDeath of a KingfisherDeath of a Charming Man hm-10 Read onlineDeath of a Charming Man hm-10Death of a Prankster hm-7 Read onlineDeath of a Prankster hm-7The Miser of Mayfair: HFTS1 Read onlineThe Miser of Mayfair: HFTS1Hamish Macbeth 05; Death of a Hussy hm-5 Read onlineHamish Macbeth 05; Death of a Hussy hm-5A Governess of Distinction (Endearing Young Charms Book 6) Read onlineA Governess of Distinction (Endearing Young Charms Book 6)The Westerby Inheritance Read onlineThe Westerby InheritanceDeath of a Hussy Read onlineDeath of a HussyHamish MacBeth 07 (1998) - Death of a Prankster Read onlineHamish MacBeth 07 (1998) - Death of a PranksterHamish Macbeth 20 (2004) - Death of a Poison Pen Read onlineHamish Macbeth 20 (2004) - Death of a Poison PenMiss Tonks Turns to Crime Read onlineMiss Tonks Turns to CrimeEdwardian Murder Mystery 01; Snobbery with Violence emm-1 Read onlineEdwardian Murder Mystery 01; Snobbery with Violence emm-1Agatha Raisin and the Wizard of Evesham Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Wizard of EveshamHamish Macbeth 12 (1996) - Death of a Macho Man Read onlineHamish Macbeth 12 (1996) - Death of a Macho ManYvonne Goes to York Read onlineYvonne Goes to YorkA Highland Christmas Read onlineA Highland ChristmasSweet Masquerade (The Love and Temptation Series Book 4) Read onlineSweet Masquerade (The Love and Temptation Series Book 4)Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wykhadden Read onlineAgatha Raisin and the Witch of WykhaddenThe Dead Ringer Read onlineThe Dead RingerAgatha Raisin 05 (1996) - The Murderous Marriage Read onlineAgatha Raisin 05 (1996) - The Murderous MarriageAgatha Raisin 07 (1998) - The Wellspring of Death Read onlineAgatha Raisin 07 (1998) - The Wellspring of DeathAgatha Raisin: As the Pig Turns ar-22 Read onlineAgatha Raisin: As the Pig Turns ar-22